Dear Zealand at 3.5 years,

Dear Zealand,

You have almost four months of preschool under your belt and we couldn't be more proud.  You are slowly but surely becoming part of a small community of three and four year olds who all have distinct personalities and who are all wonderful in their own ways.

The very first week of preschool was tough for you.  You had a tough time when I left.  We eventually worked out a routine that helps with the separation.  Chandra, one of your favorite teachers, will lift you up to the window for our "special goodbye."  We blow kisses and then I tap the window a few times.  This ritual continues to this day.

You play nicely with all of the kids and try most activities at school.   Your favorite is outside time when you can ride bikes and scooters with all of the kids, mostly other boys.  You are so adept at the bikes and scooters and have become a bit of a leader on the playground - whooshing this way and that with the greatest of ease.   A few weeks ago you mastered a two wheel bike.  We added training wheels for a week of riding.  You were pretty much riding the bike without training wheels but they gave you confidence while you mastered braking and mounting and dismounting the bike.

You love riding your "two wheel bike without training wheels."  And, you love telling people, anyone within earshot, that you can ride a "two wheel bike without training wheels."  You also like telling people that you are three and a HALF.   That "half" has grown in importance since you started preschool, spent a week with Jordy (a five and a HALF year old) in Tahoe, and started to conceptualize age and school grades.  You are very much enamored with a boy Matthew down the street who is in Kindergarten, rides a two wheel bike, and on top of all that plays very well with you considering the age gap.  The two of you ride scooters and bikes on the court for hours on end.

Although you are very willful, opinionated, and defiant for good portions of each day, you are also very loving, affectionate, funny, and kind.  Your mama continues to learn lessons in patience and parenting from you each and every day.  Fortunately you are a very lovable little guy so all of the three year old shenanigans can be forgotten by the end of the day, once you are tucked tightly in bed (ha!).

We have a special ritual at night that has been going on for some time now.  We, as you say, "talk about our day."  We start by saying, "so, first we woke up"  and then we go on to breakfast and recount every thing we did during the day.  I can't even remember when it all started but we are both pretty hooked on it.

You still love all of your Thomas the Trains.  Trains are still your main thing.  You can build the most impressive of tracks, twists and turns of all kinds with raised tracks, bridges, etc.  I can see that you have inherited your father's engineering mind.

But, you also have inherited your mother's love of reading and stories as well.   You love being read to and can often repeat verbatim entire stories.  And, you have quite a range of interests.  Train books are usually a hit but often lacking in the story department.  You love books on all subjects and with all kinds of characters.  Curious George books are a favorite, as are Little Bear stories (still a hit after all of this time!), and basically whatever we drag home from the library.

The other day just you and I went on a special outing.  We took the BART train to San Francisco and then rode the F street car up and down Market street.  The train rides were the highlight of the trip for you.  You were so captivated by the various train stops, the trains on adjacent lines, and the coming and going of different trains.   We visited a train museum,  got peppermint cocoa (coffee for me) and watched the ferries come and go behind the Ferry Building.  We visited a book store and then got lunch together.  It was so nice to spend this time with just you.  I felt like I could relax and truly enjoy you.  So often I am elsewhere with the other tasks of motherhood consuming me - cleaning up, prepping dinner, playing referee to you and Avery, and also minding Avery that the experience of just being and hanging out gets lost a bit.

I intend to do many more one on one outings with you - I think it is important for both of us.  And, riding trains and visiting San Francisco together is a perfect outing for the two of us.  San Francisco is where you were born and where you first fell in love with trains.  It is where I became a mother and where I feel most alive.  Visiting these spaces together is worth doing, again and again.

I love you with all my heart,
Mama

Dear Avery at 18 months,

Dear Avery,

Suddenly, it seemed. we turned around and there you were a full blown toddler talking, retrieving shoes, riding your "gike,"pushing trains, saying "thank you," and running up and down the driveway.  At eighteen months you could not be any cuter.  I want to eat you all up, nibble your ears, and cherish this sweet time with you.

You are pretty much up for anything and are always right there in the mix of preschool age and the five to six year old set holding your own - trying not to let on that you are just one years old.   You love your "helmet" and proudly wear it while riding your little four wheel car.  You are fast and brave in the court and then you will stop to suck your thumb or walk over with your arms in the air saying "up."

You love a good time.  No shrinking violet are you.  Action, playfulness, and silliness are your three favorite sidekicks (usually personified in the form of your brother, who you absolutely adore).  You love jumping on the couch with Zealand, being chased, tickled, hung upside down, twirled around, sliding down slides, and throwing rocks down gutters.

More and more it seems the two of you have become playmates.  You both have a high pitched squeal that you do that signals that one of you are ready for some mischief.  You run down the hallway and grab a huge handful of your pajamas from your bottom drawer.  Zealand will do the same and suddenly a lively game of throw pajamas all over the house has commenced.

Or, the two of you will go into Zealand's room and shut the door.  I soon hear laughter and then maybe quiet.  I eventually open the door and often find Zealand's mattress on the floor and the two of you sitting on his bare wood frame reading books with big grins on your faces.  I have to say I am pretty lenient if the two of you are having a fun time together.  Isn't that what having a sibling is all about?  A private world of secrets and laughter separate from the parents?

You are picking up new words by the handful and love to converse.  You love answering questions as if you understand every word.  Who knows, maybe you do!  You love to say "shure"after many questions (like I said you are usually up for anything!).  And are now becoming very, very clear about what you like and don't.  You say, "yes" and "no" very clearly now.

And, your manners, they are impeccable!  You say "thank you" all the time and have even been known to say your "welcome."  You have the best manners of anyone in the family, so far.

You love saying, "Hi ZZ" with a huge playful grin on your face.  You give hugs and kisses freely and quickly learn the names of Zealand's friends.  You can say "Cooper," "Hudson," and a new favorite, "Matthew."  You seem to really enjoy people, strangers too.  At the grocery store and out and about you will make funny faces to get people's attention and once you do you will smile and crinkle your nose.  You will also put your arms up to be held to people you have only met a few times and will easily crawl into someone else's lap if you feel like it.  There is an ease and familiarity with the world and people that you demonstrate.

Have I mentioned your laugh yet?  You have a deep throaty, sometimes silent when you are laughing really hard, laugh that is the sweetest thing.  Zealand's humor is often subtle - yours is silly, laugh out loud when mama puts a shirt over her head sort of thing.  Cheap laughs from you all of the time.  I love it!

While Zealand needs his mama most hours of the day, you have a thing for your da da, who is very attentive to your needs.  When you have a cold it is he who is brewing a special tea for you to drink or who will sleep with you out on the coach.  He will often carry you around while he works on things inside or outside.  In the morning after he has gone to work you will look at me with your big blue eyes and say, "dada?" in a soft, mournful sort of voice.

You enjoy your time with Ami and Papa, whose names you can now say.  You especially love riding their wooden rocking horse.  You go so high on it that it practically gives your Papa a heart attack every time.  You will rock and rock for long stretches of time.  And, swings.  I usually am the one pulling you out.  If you had it your way you would stay at the park swinging all day.

You like to dance.  After we decorated the Christmas tree this year we had a dance party in the living room.  You love to shake your body to the music and also you like going in circles saying "ashes, ashes.."  - your own version of ring around the rosy.

You also love to climb things - the couch, your play kitchen, stools, chairs, the bed, anything really.

At eighteen months you are impish, sweet, playful, talkative, loving, feisty, active, curious, silly, and the apple of all our eyes.  As Zealand likes to say lovingly, "You sneaky rascal."

We love you sweet girl!
-Mama  

Fall Leaves

Dear Avery at 15 months,

Dear Avery,

This month we bought you a bike helmet and you couldn't be more pleased.  You love going for bike rides with you da da and brother.  And, you love finding your helmet in the garage and asking to wear it, whether or not a bike ride is involved or not.

Bike helmets and shoes, another favorite.  You enjoy picking up shoes of all sizes and handing them to whoever is nearest.  Often you will pick up Zealand's crocs and amble over to him with his shoes.  So busy and helpful you are.

These photos were taken at Lake Lopez in San Luis Obispo.  They pretty much sum up your total love affair with water.  You have absolutely no fear and instead pure joy.  If it were up to you you would keep on walking until your head was under.  At Lopez your da da kept trying to teach you water safety by allowing you to experience going under for a few seconds.  It didn't matter how many times you went under you still wanted more.  You think water is just pure magic.

You continue to throw yourself into everything you are exposed to.  Camping, swimming, and biking.  At Lopez you were busy walking everywhere, getting filthy and jumping around in the tent with your brother.  Water, dirt, sticks, and stones are your friends.

I love your energy and enthusiasm for just about everything you encounter.

I love you.

Mama

Dear Avery at 17 months,

Dear Avery,

Excuse your mama for her rusty writing hands.  You are growing so quickly and profoundly that I just finally had to sit down and write a bit about the wonder that is you.  This month has been the month of language.  In the past few weeks you have grown into a little creature that can talk.  You say "ya" or "no"to most questions.  Sometimes I think you are simply saying "ya" without understanding but then other times I think you know far more than I can begin to imagine.  Just today I said one and then you said, "two."  The other day you were slumped low in your high chair, jazz music happened to be piping away in the background, and I said "well, aren't you a cool cat."  Without skipping a beat you said, "Meeow."

You are at the point where you try to say just about any word, more often than not you can sound it out pretty well.   You are so excited, I can tell, to be in the world of talking people.  And, no matter how slick you seem with it all - I know at times you are throwing in a few extra "ya's" to hide the fact that you are still just seventeen months old.

Before I forget, and thus the record is lost to all eternity, here are the words you can say: "mama, dada, zz, gook (for book), kitty cat, dog, ball, moon, ba ba (bottle), shoe, shirt, apple, bowl, fish, bird, squirrel, car, choo choo (train), papa, nigh nigh, baby, hat, helmet, bike, na na (banana), cheese, tree, hi, bye, kiss, cracker, and, a handful of others.  A few days ago you started saying "hi zz", much to the delight of your brother.

You and your brother, by the way, have a loving and often funny relationship.  You adore him.  You want to push trains on a track, just like him, and you bring him his shoes and bike helmet whenever you can.  He adores you equally but often has a funny way of showing it.  On one hand, he does not want you touching anything that he feels belong to him.  He yells at you and often grabs things from your hands, trains and cars.  On the other hand, he wants to be just like you.  If you ask for a ba ba, so does he.  If I put you in footless pajamas, he wants the same.  He will often imitate you and do exactly as you do - dragging a basket around, etc.

More often than not the two of you will be stacking blocks, pushing trains, or just reading books together on Zealand's bed.

Besides your brother, you love your baby doll, your thumb, your family, climbing, walking, being chased, digging around in kitchen drawers, climbing on the fireplace, climbing on the couch, the toilet, bath, trains, cars, most animals, eating cheese, drinking milk, slides, swings, and being held.

You are also extremely headstrong.  You throw your little body into everything you want and resist mightily if we are trying to redirect you.  You also seem to have a thing for the dangerous.  You love to walk quickly toward the busy streets, put your fingers in open sockets, and walk along the tall benches in our backyard.

There is so much more I could say.  But, at the end of the day you are just the sweetest little thing - freely giving kisses and hugs.  Already you have all of our hearts wrapped around your tiny fingers.  Oh, did I mention, in six months you went from being in the 40% for height to the 75%?  You sprung up like a weed after you turned one.

You are growing so fast.  So eager are you to be a little person.  You throw yourself headfirst into everything with giggles and soft and loving heart to boot.  We are all so lucky to have you in our lives.
We love you baby waves.
-Mama

Dirty Kids

Strong Shorts

This is the outfit that Zealand insists on everyday: Strong shorts and the race car shirt. (We still don;t know what makes the shorts strong.)

Kings Canyon 2012

July Photos

Dear Avery at 14 months:

Dear Avery,

I like to think of you as my little good time girl.  You really do just love to have a good time.  It could be as simple as starting to move in circles and clucking with glee as you move across a cement circle patio at a park in Tahoe.  Somehow the space suddenly felt like a dance floor or a new sort of space to move about in. 

Or, it is when you and Zealand are on a bed together.  You flop backwards and roll around in the covers being “silly kids” as we like to call it.  It is as if you were born a tiny performer personifying fun.  You love to move about and you are really into to sensory experiences, whether it is pillows, couch cushions, sand, or water. 

On a particularly hot day in Walnut Creek not so long ago we took you and Zealand to Dillon beach in Marin County.  It was after an afternoon at the Discovery Museum and a dinner on the coast.  It was later afternoon, still bright, and the sand was still warm from a hot day.  The sand was particularly fine and I believe this was your first real beach experience as a one year old.  You were absolutely hilarious. 

Your first instinct was to roll around in the sand like a pig in the mud.  You rolled on your back, on your stomach, and had dark grey sand splotches all over your face.  Sand lined the crevices under your eyes, and there was even a sand tear running down your cheek.  You were in absolute heaven.   Rolling around like nobody’s business.  All of this accompanied by squeals of delight and sandy smiles.

I love watching you.  You get so much delight from moving your body and feeling the world with all of your senses -  mouth, skin, eyes, and ears.   There is little interference from caution, fear, or self-consciousness.  You are a wonder to behold.

This month you also began saying “mama” with a clear sense that I am indeed your mama.  You call out for me and I respond in kind – so delighted that you do in fact know who I am.  Other words: “ball,” “Dada,” “Papa,” “Moo” (for moon), “Chee” (for cheese), and “Jen” (for my good friend Jen who stayed with us for a week in Tahoe).  I am sure there are more.  Frankly, I am not so concerned with which words.  Overall you are very expressive and vocal about your needs, which, I think is more important than words.  They will come, I know.  In fact, I have a feeling that in a month or so they will all start coming out like coins in a jackpot.  You have been listening and I know very soon we will start hearing all of the words you have been collecting.

Have I mentioned yet what a mischievous and willful little girl you are?  You are very playful and understand what it means to exercise your own will.  When I see you with a fistful of sand heading toward your mouth I will say “No Avy.”  You look at me knowingly and throw the sand in your mouth and then rapidly scoop up another load of sand for your mouth.  And then, you smile.

You love to be chased and tickled.  And, you love the game where you hand an object over and then at the last minute pull it away toward you.

Mostly, you prefer to be on the move.  You aren’t one for the lap.  And, you aren’t content to watch the world.  You want to move and interact. 

Except when you don’t.  Sometimes you are the most cuddly, sweet, and soft thing out there.  You want to be held.  You take your thumb and lean your head against my chest and just cuddle.  It is as if your battery is recharging.  It is the sweetest thing. 

I love this yin/yang to your personality.  There is a nice balance.  You are reckless, wild, active, silly, adventurous, curious and then when it all becomes too much you take your thumb, cuddle, and zone out.   You know your limits.

In the past two weeks you have really filled out and steadied your walk.  You are now pretty fast and confident on two feet.  Already I can see the outlines of toddlerhood.  You seem so proud of yourself for finally having the ability to truly be in the mix – walking, climbing, chattering along with the rest of us.  I can’t wait for what is next.  I know it is going to be good. 

We all love you baby Wavy.

-Mama

Dear Avery at 13 months:

This was the month when you mastered walking.  Shortly after turning one you took a few tentative steps and from that point on each and every moment represented an opportunity to practice steps.  Like your brother, you are a first rate explorer.  And, movement and curiosity are your closest friends. 

As I write this, a week after your 14 month milestone, you are now a confident and fast walker moving about with mostly ease.  It is hard to remember otherwise.  I had to look back at videos and pictures to recall the wobbly, wide leg drunken sailor stance that characterized those early walking days.  Or, it was the Frankenstein walk, or hands high at your chest to help you with balance – and always falling on your bottom many, many times throughout the day.  But, you never stopped.  Always, always, trying to walk.  Trying to keep up with your brother, to stay where the action is.

You are such a scrappy little thing.  You dive headfirst into your days without hesitation.  If Zealand slips out the screen door into the backyard there you are walking unsteadily on the bench that wraps around the house and is a good few feet above a cement patio. 

Somehow it seems that Zealand had a few more tablespoons of caution in his disposition.  Or, maybe it was the environment, or circumstances.  But, whatever it is I feel like you are apt to head straight into danger with a huge smile on your face.  I turn my head for a minute and there you are on the verge of digesting something inedible or ready to fall three feet. 

As I have mentioned before, you will put anything and everything into your mouth.  Sticks, mud, sand, anything and everything. 

 When you aren’t forging ahead conquering your 3 foot environment you crave cuddles and will often put your arms up to be held.  There are times when you seem really needy but I think it is more the fact that your brother can take his feelings out on you, grabbing toys and slight pushes, and you at times feel lost in the whirlwind of a mama and her boisterous three year old and a mama in the midst of packing lunches, washing oatmeal from a bowl, etc..

You demand that I slow down so I can hold you while you elegantly place your thumb in your mouth and regain your bearings so that you can again wildly explore and move about.   On the whole, this is probably a very positive thing.  You are demanding that your needs get met – and, they should be met.   Dirty dishes and the bottomless pit of attention that a three year old demands requires limits and boundaries. 

You roll through the day with mostly a smile on your face and loud vocalizations to express your enthusiasm.  Your sleep is regular and your appetite is fierce.  Switching to whole milk was not a problem and really the both of us have this mama/baby routine pretty well mastered by now. 

You are a big sweetie pie with lots of heart, gusto, and beautiful blue eyes to boot.  We are all very lucky to know and have you in our lives.  You line it it with smiles and enthusiasm all around.

I love you baby Aby.  We all do.

Love,

Mama.  

Dear Avery at 12 months,

Dear Avery,

Oh how you love to move!  Climb, twirl in circles on your bottom, lift yourself up, race down the hallway on all fours, and most recently walk with two grown up fingers in either hand.  In the past few days your desire to walk has intensified.  Throughout the day you will go from sitting to standing without any support and then stand there with a huge grin and slight wobble until your legs buckle.

You are so very busy and have very little time for toys colored bright and designed for small hands.  Instead there are cupboards to explore, open dishwashers to climb inside, a pantry door slightly ajar, a iron fireplace about your height, a screen door left open a crack, and a toddler bed that you can climb up on.  And, open doors are just about the best.

When you are tired from your adventures in seeking out ordinary small place dangers you screech loudly and raise your arms up for comfort or food.  And, you are no picky or dainty eater.  You have yet to refuse an offering.  Your pick across your tray of fruit, cheese, vegetable, and meat bits with great purpose and pleasure.  And, you will grab whole sandwiches off Zealand's plate when the coast is clear.  You are in other words, hungry -  for life and food.

Keeping you out of harm's way is my job most of the day.  There is nothing you won't try or get into.  Someone is always peeling you off some wobbly surface, or retrieving you from the bathroom or off of the deck leading to the outdoors.  You love the outdoors and our rough backyard is no deterrent.  So eager are you to move about that scratchy grasses and uneven rock patios are no bother.  You crawl with your butt in the air and knees off of the ground in some sort of modified crawl/walk.

And, you love, love, love the water.  The minute you spot a tub of water that you are certain is for you, you start crying and pushing yourself out of my arms toward the water.  You splash and pull yourself up to standing on the sides of the bath and then release for a huge delightful plop.

The other day you climbed in and out of the baby pool on the grass for a good hour.

And,  when it has all become too much you slide your thumb in your mouth, tilt your head, and use your other hand to rhythmically rub your upper lip or the underside of your thumb sucking hand.  Your eyes become dreamy and you are calm.

When you are not scooting through the house conquering the world you really do stop and take in all that is around you.  There is a depth behind those pretty blues that is always filling up.  You stare intensely at people and objects around you and at times you adopt expressions that can be disarming.  You don't just look at someone - you look inside them it seems.  At times your head will tilt, your eyes will cast coyly downwards, you put on a half smile and you really engage people around you.

You also like to put your head into other people's heads when you are being held, especially if I say "kissy kissy."  You like a good cuddle, and a good giggle, for that matter.

You are a real silly willy and love to be tickled.  You have a low throaty giggle that is just the cutest.   Your brother can make you laugh the most.  The two of you love "silly kids" on our big bed.  Rolling around shrieking/laughing.

In fact, your first word, it seems, is "tickle tickle." At first I thought it was just a sound you were making and then I realized that you were saying "tickle tickle." This is your signature word, so far.  You are even called "tickle tickle" at times.  It suits you, somehow.

Your other words, besides mama and dada are "da" for dog.  I have said it before, but you just love animals.  Dogs, horses, kitties, and birds throw you into a smiley, squirmy place of delight.   I sometimes wonder if you have inherited your love of animals from the other AK, Auntie Annika.  You love books with animals, and babies too.

Story time has become a special time for you.  You now have the attention span to sit with a story.  I love watching your face as I read a story to you.  You smile and your face just lights up with wonder.  You point at the pictures and eagerly reach to turn the pages.  It is very sweet.

I can't imagine a more perfect cocktail of a little girl.  You are a huge mess all of the time.  Did I mention that you love to eat dirt, rocks, sticks, stones, really anything on the ground?  You are feisty, fiery, stubborn, persistent, determined, active, fearless, and you are also sweet, coy, shy at times, with a dab of utter femininity that all the mud in the world could not cover up.  You are so very alive and I feel so blessed to be your mother and continue to be inspired to be my best so you have the most positive role models out there for all it can mean to be a human, a girl, woman, and so on.

You bring so much to our family already in just a year.   And, your brother too - lessons about sharing love, toys, and how to manage all of the feelings that come up when you are so close to someone else.  He is working on it, even if at times he sneaks in a push or pulls to hard when you are chewing on one of his beloved trains.   The funny thing, even as he struggles with jealousy or wanting ALL of the attention, he wants to be just like you.  He will ask to have his shoes off, like "baby avy," or he wants to be in just a diaper, "like baby avy."  And, he will crawl after you on all fours the two of you giggling down the long hallway.

A few weeks before Zealand's 3rd birthday party with his friends at the Discovery Museum I asked Zealand if he would rather you stay at home so he can have his mama, dada, and friends all to himself - a big boy party sort of thing.  That week had been particularly tough for him - more pushing than normal.  He surprised me by saying, no, he would like baby Avy at his party.  I found that to be telling,  a true measure of his love, versus the acting out during long, sometimes frustrating days with his momma and baby sister.

Well, we all couldn't be more proud.  You seemed to have turned one years old in a blink of an eye, gracefully finding your place in our family of four.  None of us can imagine our family without you in it.  Not even a 3 year old birthday party with all boys and trains and the promise of undivided attention from mom and dad.  If that doesn't say it all, I don't know what does.

Love,
Momma

Garden Cart

In the Yard

April Winter and Spring