Dear Zealand at 4 years,

Dear Zealand,

You have been waiting for this birthday with bated breath.  The months leading up to your birthday were full of anticipation.  Not for the gifts, although you were excited about race cars, but for the thrill of finally being four.

In the months leading up to four you really did seem to come into your own.  You fell into a nice, easy flow with preschool where my departure was barely registered - although you always have a kiss and a hug for me when I say goodbye.  You wash your hands and then head out to your playground where your friend Andrew is usually already there pushing dump trucks through the sand.  The two of you often start the day pushing trucks together.  

You have developed a strong attachment to one of your preschool friends, Hudson so when he arrives it is a big deal.  The two of you run around the playground acting like run away trains.  You have called Hudson your best friend and you have stated that you would like to marry him.  After one day of play the two of you kissed each other over and over again while giggling.  It was a funny sight to behold.

The two of you have developed a routine at pick up where you climb on top of the play structure and sing out "we won't come down."  You both think this is hilarious.

Another close preschool friend is Dashiel.  Dash loves race cars and I think he might have been the one to plant the seed of your current obsession.  We have had lots of play dates with Dash and the two of you have a great sync to your play - pushing race cars down slides, playing in puddles and making lots of dramatic car boy noises.  It is sort of a wordless dance of easy play together.  You really have a nice time.

In the mornings, for awhile now, you race out of bed (our bed - you have been sleeping in our bed for about a year now;  we put you down in your own bed and as early as 1 am you join us, or I should say me - you climb in on my side and make yourself right at home) and tear off your diaper so you can pick out your outfit for the day.  It is warm enough now where you can pretty much wear shorts and tee shirts every day.  You love shorts and teeshirts.  You wore this outfit through much of the Winter as well.  It takes a lot for you to get cold.

You love clothes and underwear.  You especially love your Star Wars teeshirt and your racetrack teeshirt.  You had been a Thomas the Train underwear guy but in the past six months with the new race car fascination your one hand me down pair of Cars underwear became The Pair.  You like to wear all of your underwear backwards so that the picture is on the front.  We bought you a pack of Cars underwear for your birthday and it was definitely a favorite gift of yours.

You also put your clothes away at the end of the day.  Such a clothes horse you are.  You also make your bed in the morning and are very proud of your new habits.

A few days before you turned four we talked about the importance of sleeping in your own bed now that you are four.  You really seemed to take it all in.  And now you are sleeping in your own bed every night.  You are so stubborn and strong willed, but I will say, when you are ready you do exactly as you should.

You have reached a steady state at the moment.  Potty training is a thing of the past.  And, you race to the toilet at your own accord and you wash your hands without prompting.  I wonder if I will someday miss the loud "Mama wipe my bottom" booming from the bathroom?

You enjoy helping out.  You like watering plants and gardening with Ami and dada.  A precious image I have in my brain is one of you and your dada mowing the lawn together.  Duane is pushing his manual lawnmower across our huge, bumpy wild lawn and you are following him pushing your small red wheelbarrow in front of you.

Bikes and scooters have receded a bit into the background.  Friends and race cars have taken center stage.  Park play dates, sandbox play, and building things.  You have always had a knack for building - you have inherited your father's talent.  You still build elaborate race car tracks and now you are into building loopy race tracks with jumps, etc.  Also, towers and various structures.

Also, in the past few months or so you have shown a curiosity for letters.  You are now asking which letters various words start with and I am starting to go over sounds as well.  You continue to love stories and your attention span is impressive.  We started Charlotte's Web and got through the first 40 pages or so.  It gave me a glimpse into the future of reading chapter books to you.

You love sweets and carbs.  Pancakes and waffles are a favorite as well as muffins, cake and ice cream.   Cake and ice cream are once in awhile treats but homemade baked good are rolled out frequently in our household.  You love to partake.

Through it all, the valleys and mountains of development, you are a love bug.  You are very attached to your mama and I am spoiled daily with "I love yous", enormous crushing bear hugs, sloppy wet kisses, cuddles, and the like.

You are an active, athletic, fun four year old boy.  And, you are also sensitive, sometimes shy, funny, sometimes difficult, and a tough negotiator.  And, you are always changing.

You are also a big brother.  Although you can sometimes abuse your power - grabbing toys from Avery and being less than generous with your toys you are also protective of your sister.  And, you find ways to play with her.  She is lucky to have you and you are lucky to have her to teach you lessons of patience, love, and care with someone smaller and younger than you are.  The two of you have your own world that you have co-created.  You will play together for hours - giggling, talking things out, and occasionally crying and fighting.

We are so proud of you.  You are such a sweet, special little guy.  Always our first born, our first entry into the world of parenthood with all of the sweat, blood and tears.  And, love.  Lots of love.  You were the first to make me a mother.  I am so blessed to have you as my son.

Happy 4th birthday!

Love,
Mama

Dear Avery at 2 years old,

Dear Avery,

You are now two years old even though when asked you insist that you are in fact, "3 and a half." Zealand jumps in (within seconds) to correct you and you still insist that you are "3 and a half."  Lately you seem to fill in your age gap, and all of the indignities that that brings at this young stage, with a strong insistence that your version of truth is the correct one.  While the three of us read stories you will sometimes call a cow a horse, or a train a bus, and Zealand, again, will quickly try to set things straight and you still insist over and over again that you are in the know.   You also count, with such authority, 1, 5, 17!

You also say, "Me first" long after I have unbuckled Zealand first.  All of your defiance is intermingled with your intense and ongoing study of all things Zealand.  It is sweet and also sometimes makes me feel extra protective of you.  There is a vulnerability there in all of that adoration.  And, of course, Zealand is already responding with some indifference to your needs for his attention.

Such is the life of a younger sibling, I suppose.

Before I forget, some of your expressions these days:  "That's funny." You declare this with a funny wrinkled nose face of your own and you find many things funny throughout the day.  You also like to call things "little tiny." "Little tiny baby.."  Little tiny diaper.."  "I'll be right back" - said very seriously..

Not so long ago you learned to hop out of your crib.  I thought naps were going to be a thing of the past.  You have stopped climbing out of your crib but whether you take a nap or not is still an iffy one.  Often times you will stay in your crib for up to an hour chatting away about baby dolls, Zealand, and god knows what.  The other day I heard you say "No, ZZ that is my bike.."

You can be such a chatty and wild little thing, emotions turning on a dime and then at other times you are very soft spoken, shy and just want to be held.  Today you buried your head in my sweater while a man at the library attempted to engage you.  The many sides of Avery.

You like to be rocked at night, "rockies" and like it when we rub/scratch your arms and legs.  You will have your arm raised up for us to rub while the other one is bent toward your mouth for thumb sucking.
Sometimes that is going on while a story is being read to you.  If you pause too long, you shout out "Read."

Such a funny little girl you are.  Sweet, funny, with very wild white blond hair that you have not allowed scissors anywhere near.  You are actually growing a few dreadlocks in the back of your hair.

It is interesting, given how verbal you are, how books just aren't your thing right now.  You just don't seem to have the patience yet.   We will start a story and then you will hop off our lap to reach for a new book.  It is almost as if it is more about choosing books from the shelf and being on our lap than the actual stories.  I can't say that a story or book has really mesmerized you yet.  At the same time you can recognize a ton of pictures in your books.  Who knows!  Maybe your dada has had better luck with stories from beginning to end.

You continue to love animals, especially kitty cats.  Animals, swings, water, and your "daddy" too.  You have also taken to carrying around an old purse of mine and you fill it with various toys and walk around the house as if you are undertaking serious missions.  You also like "cards" - old gift cards, etc.. for your purse.   Wearing a hat, and mismatched shoes is also a fun pastime.

We are now at the point where fine motor activities is more of a possibility - before paints and play dough went straight to the mouth.  Today you spend a good ten minutes filling a bowl with black beans that I had laid out for you.

I think to some extent we are all still trying to figure you out.  And, of course you are always changing. There are many sides, facets, and moods at play all of the time.  But, one thing is constant, we all love you and know in our bones that our family would not be complete without this little being in it.  A few months ago I had dressed you in a cotton dress with a rather large boy tied in the back.  Zealand always notices, and rather cutely will say, "how pretty,"when you wear a dress since it is so infrequent.  On this day he said, "Oh Avery, you look just like a birthday present."

You are a gift, and you continue to be.  Everyday.  I look forward to discovering again and again all that is inside.

All my love,
Mama

May and June