
Dear Zealand,
I am late to write your 29 month letter and, again, the outlines of each month are becoming blurry as your growth and personality continue to explode. I have started a mama’s writing group and feel as though I am cheating by spending the writing time on a letter for you. These letters are so easy to write and really a joy to write. And, there couldn't be a more lovable and charismatic subject.
During your 29 month we took a week long trip to San Diego to visit family and friends. One of the pleasures of traveling outside of our familiar world with you is to watch you expand and grow in new spaces with new people.
At a BBQ with Duane’s old high school friends there was a pool and a gaggle of kids, most of whom were older by a few years. Although you are usually excited by most things, I really hadn’t seen you this thrilled in a long time (since Maui!). You and dada spent a solid two hours in that pool and you didn’t stop, or stop smiling, for even a minute.
There was a slide that went into the pool and lots of kicking and floating around with dada. One side of the pool was higher than the other and a few of the kids were jumping off of the ledge. You have jumped off ledges before but this was higher than most. The challenge both intrigued and intimidated you. You would climb up the steps and run (we kept reminding you to walk) over to the ledge. You would stand there right at the edge as if you were going to jump and instead you would exclaim loudly, “no jump.” Then you would excitedly run back to the steps and water while the older kids climbed and jumped with ease. This went on for several rounds until finally you were ready to jump, and then, you did.
This pretty much sums up how you approach most things. You are a dare devil who steps into new things with forethought and a healthy dose of caution. Such a nice combination, I think. It reminds me of your father. Adventurous, spontaneous, and extremely methodical.
Another highlight of the trip for you was visiting cousin Mason. Your cousin is a bit bigger, faster, more wordy, a little bit older and just the coolest guy you have ever met. You were absolutely smitten. And, on top of it, he loves trucks and riding scooters. Everything he did you imitated. Your eyes followed his every move. You wanted to say and do everything he did. So interesting, adorable even, to see this obsequious behavior in you.
Increasingly you are seeking out other kids and trying hard to connect with them. Imitation is a big one for you, and, usually with the slightly older kids. You will approach a kid and then follow him or her (usually him) around doing exactly what they do. I feel a little protective, vulnerable even, watching you try so hard to engage with others who don't yet know the subtle niceties of protecting the feelings of others. But, mainly it is just really cute and sweet to watch.
A few weeks ago we were at the Panhandle Park and all of your new social skills and independence from mama were in bold relief. It was a lovely day in San Francisco – balmy, low sun, Fall smells and light. We got a late start waiting for Baby Waves to wake up. It was one of those day that make me very grateful to be a stay at home mom. Relaxed, organic, and full of moments where I could literally see you grow.
We took your scooter and the three of us made our way down steep Masonic. After the steep hill, not your mama, convinced you that riding it down was not a good idea we both held a handle bar and coasted your scooter down the sidewalk. You started riding once we hit flat lands and expertly steered your way toward the park.
Your shoes came off at the park and I remember thinking how nice it was to soak up these last bits of Fall sunshine. You rode your scooter around the perimeter of the park and at one point you stopped next to a little girl playing in the sand and said, “what’s your name?” She looked at you without speaking and then you rode on.
At one point you began to walk up and down the curly slide with your sticky bare feet. I walked over to stand near and watch and you said “mama, go away I am doing a job here.” I asked where mama should go and you said, “home.” This was a first, and really amusing. Just the beginning, I know.
As the day progressed you started to mix with a pack of boys who ranged in age from 2, 3, 5 and probably 8 or 9. All of you began to run through the play structure climbing up ramps, flying down slides, and through tunnels while you stayed together as a group. At one point you asked the older tie died clad boy what his name was, and unlike the little girl, he answered you.
It all seemed so natural and routine. But I, standing on the sidelines with secret mama smiles, knew that for you this was an entirely new experience. At one point you looked over at me with a look that said, "isn’t this greatest?!" We both knew what this meant. A tiny shift in development, exciting and new. Our secret.
It caused me to reflect on all of the visits to the park leading up to this moment. Learning to climb ladders, walking on uneven surfaces, jumping, flying down the slide, climbing through dark tunnels, and learning slowly through trial and error that I am here even when I am not. And, suddenly it seemed to all come together in this one beautiful moment.
You were in your play kid zone: confident, not over thinking steps (should I jump or not?), and enjoying yourself thoroughly with your peers. So simple, yet so much practice to get to this place. All of you boys were flying, jumping, and ducking for a glorious ten minutes. A choreographer couldn’t have done it better.
And then it was over. You came over. We had a snack and then the three of us made our way back to the bus stop. And, suddenly you were so much older than even just a day ago. Something in the air had shifted. Your little sister and I walking behind you, the big brother, as your still tiny foot pushed off again and again toward the bus stop.
Love,
Mama
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