Dear Avery at 6 months,

Dear Avery,

At six months you are a vibrant and curious little buggy. Developmental drumroll: the day before Thanksgiving I felt the just barely there tip of a bottom tooth. You now have two unmistakable lower teeth. The day after Thanksgiving you experienced your first taste of solid food (if you can call it that - rice cereal, blech!). You sat in your Bumbo seat ready for action and sure enough you opened and closed your mouth in time with the spoon. A champ! Since that time you have tried carrots, parsnips, apples, and butternut squash. Your first taste of the squash caused your entire face to wrinkle up. It must have been a shock to a system only used to breast milk and cereal. Since that time your palate has adjusted.

You can roll over from tummy to back and then back over. You sit up now unassisted. Occasionally you will tip over which results in a few tears if we don't catch you in time. You love your jumparoo and bounce around happily for hours (well 20 minutes - I'll take it!) The other night your brother was jumping on the coach with the cushions off and you watched him beside yourself with excitement and giggles bouncing right along.

You coo and talk (mama sounds and other coos). Laugh and giggle. Your signature laugh is a silent one with occasional sucks of air that let us know that you are indeed laughing. You are a determined reacher and grabber. If something catches your eye - watch out. You have knocked over glasses, pulled chunks of hair, and nearly yanked my necklace from my neck.

As was your brother, you are, generally speaking, a mellow, calm, and happy baby. But, when one spends a bit more time with you they will see that you also have a fiery streak. Out of the blue you can go from mellow to downright hysterical. You practically shriek from the top of your lungs. It can be a bit embarrassing out in public. It definitely makes me scramble to assist you in whatever way I can. Which, I suppose is the point. You, in other words, are good at getting your needs met. You have a voice, a strong one. I hope you always do.

You still, and I am sure you always will, think Zealand is the coolest thing since breast milk. Your eyes follow his every move. When I am feeding you if he gets anywhere close all bets are off. Your head pops off and you crane your neck toward wherever he is. Zealand gets a kick out of this and says in a funny voice, "Ohh baby is watching me.."

I should say too that your brother has grown very fond of you. After the initial shock of having to share his mini world with another dependent being wore off it has been a steady progression toward welcoming you into his life. He often will bring your toys to you and he becomes very concerned when you are crying. Sometimes I have to assure him that you are just trying to fall asleep. Also when I am cooking or otherwise busy I ask him to run into the other room to let tell you that it's okay and mama will be right back. You are always eager to do so and it brings a smile to my face to hear your sweet voicing saying "it's okay baby waves mama will be here soon."

We love you little bugs and you are teaching all of us new lessons everyday in caring and loving. Love,

Mama

Gingerbread (Graham Cracker) Houses

A Thanks

Z Thanks

Dear Avery at Five Months,

Dear Avery at 5 months,

This month you went on your first cross state trip to San Diego. Every year drive to San Diego to visit with the other half of your family. Even with a broken air conditioner and the encroaching heat of the Central Valley you were a champ. On the first day we stopped for the afternoon in the middle of nowhere while your father did an inspection at a water plant. We spread out a blanket and you looked up at the trees while your brother and I read stories.

After a night at a hotel in Valencia, and a play date with friends in Long Beach, we parked for the weekend at Peter and Liz’s. Liz is pregnant with her little girl and was working through unsettling pregnancy news (that has since been resolved). I think you were her little baby Buddha that weekend. She cuddled with you lots and maybe you even whispered secrets to her baby.

All babies bring a smile to people’s faces but you, I think, biased as I am, are especially skilled in this department. You really do greet the world with a smile. We went to Julian (a small rural turned tourist destination) in East San Diego and I carried you facing outwards up and down the shop lined main street while the boys were visiting a train.

It is like carrying a huge bouquet of flowers, people's heads turn and faces soften. The two of us ducked in and out of shops on this warm afternoon and your feet kicked outwards with glee the whole time. We ended the afternoon at a pie shop to sample their famous pie and apples. The line snaked out of the door. It was warm inside the shop, fans buzzed above, and the two cashiers at the end of the line were visibly sweating.

A thin older woman in a red apron who appeared to be a manager of some kind was trying to fix a resister that was stalling. Her brow was furrowed as she tried to tinker with the machine. And then you came into her line of vision. Her whole demeanor shifted - like falling in love in warped speed. She gazed at you cooing and ahhing and said, tone perfect, "and how could I think anything was wrong?!

You have this effect on me all of the time. It is to the point where I secretly enjoy waking up to feed you in the wee hours since I get to hold your sweetness. Maybe it is the awareness that this period is the last time I will mother a small baby, but I am really cherishing these moments with you.

The way you your tiny, chubby, elegant baby fingers lazily rub your face while you nurse. The way your whole face breaks into a smile when you look up at me in between gulps. How you giggle while trying to feed knowing that I am still looking at you sharing smiles.

It is almost feels at times as dreamy as a young girls fantasy to someday mother a daughter, her own baby dolly. This lovely space of second time around motherhood. You even look like a dolly. Sculpted with peaches and cream, small dimples, two bright blue marble eyes and a bubbling fountain of easy giggles.

It’s amazing, really, that in the exhaustion and fatigue of stay at home mothering with two little ones I can truly experience the lightness and awe that is you. I attribute this mainly to your magnetic, joyful essence. It can catch you off guard and reminds over and over again, that, indeed, what could possibly be wrong?

We all love you Baby Wavy, Baby Waves, and Avey.

Love,

Mama

Dear Zealand at 29 months,

Dear Zealand,

I am late to write your 29 month letter and, again, the outlines of each month are becoming blurry as your growth and personality continue to explode. I have started a mama’s writing group and feel as though I am cheating by spending the writing time on a letter for you. These letters are so easy to write and really a joy to write. And, there couldn't be a more lovable and charismatic subject.

During your 29 month we took a week long trip to San Diego to visit family and friends. One of the pleasures of traveling outside of our familiar world with you is to watch you expand and grow in new spaces with new people.

At a BBQ with Duane’s old high school friends there was a pool and a gaggle of kids, most of whom were older by a few years. Although you are usually excited by most things, I really hadn’t seen you this thrilled in a long time (since Maui!). You and dada spent a solid two hours in that pool and you didn’t stop, or stop smiling, for even a minute.

There was a slide that went into the pool and lots of kicking and floating around with dada. One side of the pool was higher than the other and a few of the kids were jumping off of the ledge. You have jumped off ledges before but this was higher than most. The challenge both intrigued and intimidated you. You would climb up the steps and run (we kept reminding you to walk) over to the ledge. You would stand there right at the edge as if you were going to jump and instead you would exclaim loudly, “no jump.” Then you would excitedly run back to the steps and water while the older kids climbed and jumped with ease. This went on for several rounds until finally you were ready to jump, and then, you did.

This pretty much sums up how you approach most things. You are a dare devil who steps into new things with forethought and a healthy dose of caution. Such a nice combination, I think. It reminds me of your father. Adventurous, spontaneous, and extremely methodical.

Another highlight of the trip for you was visiting cousin Mason. Your cousin is a bit bigger, faster, more wordy, a little bit older and just the coolest guy you have ever met. You were absolutely smitten. And, on top of it, he loves trucks and riding scooters. Everything he did you imitated. Your eyes followed his every move. You wanted to say and do everything he did. So interesting, adorable even, to see this obsequious behavior in you.

Increasingly you are seeking out other kids and trying hard to connect with them. Imitation is a big one for you, and, usually with the slightly older kids. You will approach a kid and then follow him or her (usually him) around doing exactly what they do. I feel a little protective, vulnerable even, watching you try so hard to engage with others who don't yet know the subtle niceties of protecting the feelings of others. But, mainly it is just really cute and sweet to watch.

A few weeks ago we were at the Panhandle Park and all of your new social skills and independence from mama were in bold relief. It was a lovely day in San Francisco – balmy, low sun, Fall smells and light. We got a late start waiting for Baby Waves to wake up. It was one of those day that make me very grateful to be a stay at home mom. Relaxed, organic, and full of moments where I could literally see you grow.

We took your scooter and the three of us made our way down steep Masonic. After the steep hill, not your mama, convinced you that riding it down was not a good idea we both held a handle bar and coasted your scooter down the sidewalk. You started riding once we hit flat lands and expertly steered your way toward the park.

Your shoes came off at the park and I remember thinking how nice it was to soak up these last bits of Fall sunshine. You rode your scooter around the perimeter of the park and at one point you stopped next to a little girl playing in the sand and said, “what’s your name?” She looked at you without speaking and then you rode on.

At one point you began to walk up and down the curly slide with your sticky bare feet. I walked over to stand near and watch and you said “mama, go away I am doing a job here.” I asked where mama should go and you said, “home.” This was a first, and really amusing. Just the beginning, I know.

As the day progressed you started to mix with a pack of boys who ranged in age from 2, 3, 5 and probably 8 or 9. All of you began to run through the play structure climbing up ramps, flying down slides, and through tunnels while you stayed together as a group. At one point you asked the older tie died clad boy what his name was, and unlike the little girl, he answered you.

It all seemed so natural and routine. But I, standing on the sidelines with secret mama smiles, knew that for you this was an entirely new experience. At one point you looked over at me with a look that said, "isn’t this greatest?!" We both knew what this meant. A tiny shift in development, exciting and new. Our secret.

It caused me to reflect on all of the visits to the park leading up to this moment. Learning to climb ladders, walking on uneven surfaces, jumping, flying down the slide, climbing through dark tunnels, and learning slowly through trial and error that I am here even when I am not. And, suddenly it seemed to all come together in this one beautiful moment.

You were in your play kid zone: confident, not over thinking steps (should I jump or not?), and enjoying yourself thoroughly with your peers. So simple, yet so much practice to get to this place. All of you boys were flying, jumping, and ducking for a glorious ten minutes. A choreographer couldn’t have done it better.

And then it was over. You came over. We had a snack and then the three of us made our way back to the bus stop. And, suddenly you were so much older than even just a day ago. Something in the air had shifted. Your little sister and I walking behind you, the big brother, as your still tiny foot pushed off again and again toward the bus stop.

Love,

Mama

More Kings

Some photos from my Dad.

Dear Zealand at 28 months

Dear Zealand,

This month was a turning point for you. You finally seem comfortable, mostly, sharing your parents with Avery. Something within shifted and you no longer struggle with divided attention as much as you did in the beginning. You have been such a big boy, sweet to your sister and helpful to your mama. You like to point out that you are a “big boy.” And, you recognize when you are being a big boy by quickly following a nice behavior with “that was nice”- something I say a lot. Lots of the phrases we use with you become your own. Lately you have started to say, “well” with a long drawn out vowel sound – sort of like “weel,” in front of your sentences. Apparently I also answer many of your questions with a “well….” It’s the pause that I usually need to figure out in my head the best way to answer.

You also say, “that’s a good idea.” Another one is “we are just hanging out,” and “lets go check it out.” Something we both say to each other, that I am grateful caught on, is “I love you. All the time. Even when Mama is feeding Baby Avery.” I would say that to you over and over again during the tricky times with the three of us.

This month also marked the official beginning of the why phase. It had started earlier, but now we get whys all day long – why mama, why?

And, some things stay the same. You continue to be fiercely attached to your lamb blanket, “lambie” and your pacifier, which is known to all of us as “ba.” At least a dozen times a day you ask for “ba lamb” – it is a package deal. The tough part is you throw your ba lamb multiple times through out the day on the floor when you become distracted by something else. Sometimes I feel as though I spend at least a quarter of my day looking around for ba lamb.

You still love oatmeal in the mornings. And, you love the oatmeal song and you like to joke around by saying “oatmeal” as the answer to questions or you will just spontaneously say “oatmeal.” You also love to get a single bagel from the bakery at Whole Foods – sometimes even over a cookie. Although the other day I said you could have either a bagel or a cookie. You went with the cookie but as soon as you were finished, which was soon, you apparently forgot the deal and started to whine loudly for a bagel. Sigh..

You are still extremely active and a good climber, ball kicker, thrower, and over all dare devil. And, you still take a good 3 hour nap every day.

This month we all went to Kings Canyon for our now second annual Kubischta/Neel camping trip. You had a blast. The highlight for you was all of the bridges over the river system there. And, you were fascinated by the “broken bridge” – a bridge near our campsite that was closed for repairs. Grandpa Richard even filled his hat with rocks so you could throw them one by one off of a bridge near Muir rock. On the way back to the campsite you would ask again and again where the next bridge was going to be.

I am so happy that family life has become joyful for you again. Already you are learning how to be a good big brother to your sister. When I was pregnant and worried about how it was going to be for you, for us, one thought that would bring comfort and a smile to my face was thinking about how lucky Avery was to have you as a big brother. I thought about how fun, silly, and adventurous you are and how much fun it would be to be your sibling. You make life so much fun for all of us and I am pretty sure Avery will think so too.

We love you Zealand.

Dear Avery at 4 months

Dear Avery,

The thing that interests you most so far since your short stay on earth thus far is people. Your whole face lights up when someone bends over you to talk with you. Your stomach arches upward and your legs kick as if you are compensating for the lack of words with whole body movement. While Zealand also watched our mouths intensely in those early months, it seemed he was most interested in our mouths when they were chewing food. I knew he was going to love eating and have no trouble with that spoon. And, sure enough! You, on the other hand, watch our mouths for the words and sounds they are forming.

While we talk to you, your tongue moves around as if you are trying to mimic the motion of our tongues as our mouths form words. I have a feeling that your desire to communicate with such eagerness is partially due to the fact that you are getting less attention than Zealand did when he was your age. With Zealand it seemed as though we huddled around him trying to eke out a smile or a giggle. As a result, or so it seemed, smiles were less forthcoming. We had to earn them.

I do not mean to suggest that we are neglecting you, we are not. It is just a different ballgame parenting two children at the same time. For better, and for worse. I definitely think that you are benefiting in other ways from being second in the line up.

I continue to try and make time for just us each and every day. After I put Zealand down for his afternoon nap I spend some with you on our bed. I often read poetry to you during this time. It is nice for mama to sneak in a little reading during the day.

I am not sure if it has been mentioned but you are a total giggle puss. It doesn't take much at all for me to get you laughing full belly. And, you will often mix in a loud shriek of excitement and delight. There is nothing in the world cuter than seeing you all flutter with giggles and shrieks. It is very flattering to mama to think she can still be funny now and again.

I should also mention here that your big brother is becoming a softie for you. Not difficult to do, but a two year old used to all the attention? This is a testament to just how darn cute and lovable you are, I like to think. He becomes very concerned when you are crying and thinks it is the neatest when your tiny feet touch his arm - he call them "tickle feet."

We all love you, Baby Wavy, or little mouse as you are known around these parts. You are a gentle and soft presence in our family who, I think, adds an element we now cannot live without.

I love you,

Mama

Dear Zealand at 27 months

Dear Zealand,

This month your mama has gone back to the parenting books for wisdom and techniques for handling a willful toddler intent on testing all the boundaries within our household. I feel like my game as a mother is officially on. I remember sitting with you in a new parent support group and thinking when the facilitator asked about what it was like being a new parent that this stage was fairly easy - caregiving is a very straightforward task - feed, love, and nurture 24/7. Not easy, but clear.

Now, you are asking us to define our boundaries around behavior and even at an even deeper level you are pushing us to define what it is exactly that we feel is important to teach you as young human still so new in the world. When I first turned to the books it was for quick guidance on how to handle new behaviors that were clearly a no no - i.e. throwing things in the direction of your sister. I am now realizing as I read and think more about it that discipline is a form of ongoing education - for parent and child. Nothing new here - the idea that you discipline not to punish but to teach, but I am really starting to get it.

That much is clear enough but how you go about doing so is wide open and constantly evolving. And, you are trying to figure it out in the space of moments when you yourself are exhausted, hungry, and devoid of any remaining patience. Also, your lesson plan on how to be a stellar human is often being written right there in the moment as you search for the right words and realize with great humility that you are at times miles away from being that stellar human being yourself. After all, it was only very recently that your mama developed the habit of putting her own toys away after playing with them. And, she is still working on hanging up her clothes after a long day! So, yes, game on!

Not only have I turned to the books, but I have also become much more conscious of creating a stimulating environment for you at home while Baby Wavy naps in the morning. Up until the past few months you have been so focused on developing your motor skills, anything left over went toward trains, trucks, and cars that we haven't done much with art or other forms of creative play. You do like a good session in your play kitchen, and you love reading.. but mostly at home you are on the rug building elaborate train tracks.

Art is still not quite catching with you. You will make a few stabs with the paintbrush and then you are done. I won't push it but still believe in the notion of introducing and planting seeds. You are always changing and one day art might be the new favorite. Your imagination has rolled off the track of the literal, though. And, away from tracks and wheels (at least momentarily throughout the day).

Plastic animals and wooden people have added a new dimension to our play. You like to put all of the animals in your dumptruck and give them a ride around the farm. You have also started to do pretend voices for the animals. I made you a felt play mat with a house, moon, road, trees, and pond and we have enjoyed delivering packages to the house and such. I love that your imagination is starting to really take off!

You also love to have tea parties with your tea set. Mint tea is your favorite. We will sit down together with our tea and crackers and carry on like two old friends.

Your language continues to grow that it is to the point that I can't easily recall all of your phrases and leaps - it is now just you. The novelty of new words is starting to wear off as words pile up and become everyday. I think what I am trying to say is that you are more and more a little boy whose essence and character is with us everyday in subtle and remarkable ways. But, the baby who is knocking off developmental milestones in dramatic fashion (crawling, walking, and talking) is no longer. It is far easier to recall first words spoken than it is the subtle way you now say things and all of the bits and fragments of conversations that line our days.

Maybe this is what other parents mean by children growing up overnight, time just slipping through your fingers. Before you know it you will be graduating high school and we will surely shake our heads like all of the other parents, where did the time go? It is daunting to already think about how much is already left out of these letters and how much I can't easily recall. Well, I will shoulder on throwing words at this small bit of life we are allowed. Small impressions in the vast expanse that is becoming you and our life. Knowing all too well how quickly it goes, is going.

We love you Zealand,

Mama

Kings Canyon

Tahoe Labor Day