Dear Zealand at 28 months

Dear Zealand,

This month was a turning point for you. You finally seem comfortable, mostly, sharing your parents with Avery. Something within shifted and you no longer struggle with divided attention as much as you did in the beginning. You have been such a big boy, sweet to your sister and helpful to your mama. You like to point out that you are a “big boy.” And, you recognize when you are being a big boy by quickly following a nice behavior with “that was nice”- something I say a lot. Lots of the phrases we use with you become your own. Lately you have started to say, “well” with a long drawn out vowel sound – sort of like “weel,” in front of your sentences. Apparently I also answer many of your questions with a “well….” It’s the pause that I usually need to figure out in my head the best way to answer.

You also say, “that’s a good idea.” Another one is “we are just hanging out,” and “lets go check it out.” Something we both say to each other, that I am grateful caught on, is “I love you. All the time. Even when Mama is feeding Baby Avery.” I would say that to you over and over again during the tricky times with the three of us.

This month also marked the official beginning of the why phase. It had started earlier, but now we get whys all day long – why mama, why?

And, some things stay the same. You continue to be fiercely attached to your lamb blanket, “lambie” and your pacifier, which is known to all of us as “ba.” At least a dozen times a day you ask for “ba lamb” – it is a package deal. The tough part is you throw your ba lamb multiple times through out the day on the floor when you become distracted by something else. Sometimes I feel as though I spend at least a quarter of my day looking around for ba lamb.

You still love oatmeal in the mornings. And, you love the oatmeal song and you like to joke around by saying “oatmeal” as the answer to questions or you will just spontaneously say “oatmeal.” You also love to get a single bagel from the bakery at Whole Foods – sometimes even over a cookie. Although the other day I said you could have either a bagel or a cookie. You went with the cookie but as soon as you were finished, which was soon, you apparently forgot the deal and started to whine loudly for a bagel. Sigh..

You are still extremely active and a good climber, ball kicker, thrower, and over all dare devil. And, you still take a good 3 hour nap every day.

This month we all went to Kings Canyon for our now second annual Kubischta/Neel camping trip. You had a blast. The highlight for you was all of the bridges over the river system there. And, you were fascinated by the “broken bridge” – a bridge near our campsite that was closed for repairs. Grandpa Richard even filled his hat with rocks so you could throw them one by one off of a bridge near Muir rock. On the way back to the campsite you would ask again and again where the next bridge was going to be.

I am so happy that family life has become joyful for you again. Already you are learning how to be a good big brother to your sister. When I was pregnant and worried about how it was going to be for you, for us, one thought that would bring comfort and a smile to my face was thinking about how lucky Avery was to have you as a big brother. I thought about how fun, silly, and adventurous you are and how much fun it would be to be your sibling. You make life so much fun for all of us and I am pretty sure Avery will think so too.

We love you Zealand.

Dear Avery at 4 months

Dear Avery,

The thing that interests you most so far since your short stay on earth thus far is people. Your whole face lights up when someone bends over you to talk with you. Your stomach arches upward and your legs kick as if you are compensating for the lack of words with whole body movement. While Zealand also watched our mouths intensely in those early months, it seemed he was most interested in our mouths when they were chewing food. I knew he was going to love eating and have no trouble with that spoon. And, sure enough! You, on the other hand, watch our mouths for the words and sounds they are forming.

While we talk to you, your tongue moves around as if you are trying to mimic the motion of our tongues as our mouths form words. I have a feeling that your desire to communicate with such eagerness is partially due to the fact that you are getting less attention than Zealand did when he was your age. With Zealand it seemed as though we huddled around him trying to eke out a smile or a giggle. As a result, or so it seemed, smiles were less forthcoming. We had to earn them.

I do not mean to suggest that we are neglecting you, we are not. It is just a different ballgame parenting two children at the same time. For better, and for worse. I definitely think that you are benefiting in other ways from being second in the line up.

I continue to try and make time for just us each and every day. After I put Zealand down for his afternoon nap I spend some with you on our bed. I often read poetry to you during this time. It is nice for mama to sneak in a little reading during the day.

I am not sure if it has been mentioned but you are a total giggle puss. It doesn't take much at all for me to get you laughing full belly. And, you will often mix in a loud shriek of excitement and delight. There is nothing in the world cuter than seeing you all flutter with giggles and shrieks. It is very flattering to mama to think she can still be funny now and again.

I should also mention here that your big brother is becoming a softie for you. Not difficult to do, but a two year old used to all the attention? This is a testament to just how darn cute and lovable you are, I like to think. He becomes very concerned when you are crying and thinks it is the neatest when your tiny feet touch his arm - he call them "tickle feet."

We all love you, Baby Wavy, or little mouse as you are known around these parts. You are a gentle and soft presence in our family who, I think, adds an element we now cannot live without.

I love you,

Mama

Dear Zealand at 27 months

Dear Zealand,

This month your mama has gone back to the parenting books for wisdom and techniques for handling a willful toddler intent on testing all the boundaries within our household. I feel like my game as a mother is officially on. I remember sitting with you in a new parent support group and thinking when the facilitator asked about what it was like being a new parent that this stage was fairly easy - caregiving is a very straightforward task - feed, love, and nurture 24/7. Not easy, but clear.

Now, you are asking us to define our boundaries around behavior and even at an even deeper level you are pushing us to define what it is exactly that we feel is important to teach you as young human still so new in the world. When I first turned to the books it was for quick guidance on how to handle new behaviors that were clearly a no no - i.e. throwing things in the direction of your sister. I am now realizing as I read and think more about it that discipline is a form of ongoing education - for parent and child. Nothing new here - the idea that you discipline not to punish but to teach, but I am really starting to get it.

That much is clear enough but how you go about doing so is wide open and constantly evolving. And, you are trying to figure it out in the space of moments when you yourself are exhausted, hungry, and devoid of any remaining patience. Also, your lesson plan on how to be a stellar human is often being written right there in the moment as you search for the right words and realize with great humility that you are at times miles away from being that stellar human being yourself. After all, it was only very recently that your mama developed the habit of putting her own toys away after playing with them. And, she is still working on hanging up her clothes after a long day! So, yes, game on!

Not only have I turned to the books, but I have also become much more conscious of creating a stimulating environment for you at home while Baby Wavy naps in the morning. Up until the past few months you have been so focused on developing your motor skills, anything left over went toward trains, trucks, and cars that we haven't done much with art or other forms of creative play. You do like a good session in your play kitchen, and you love reading.. but mostly at home you are on the rug building elaborate train tracks.

Art is still not quite catching with you. You will make a few stabs with the paintbrush and then you are done. I won't push it but still believe in the notion of introducing and planting seeds. You are always changing and one day art might be the new favorite. Your imagination has rolled off the track of the literal, though. And, away from tracks and wheels (at least momentarily throughout the day).

Plastic animals and wooden people have added a new dimension to our play. You like to put all of the animals in your dumptruck and give them a ride around the farm. You have also started to do pretend voices for the animals. I made you a felt play mat with a house, moon, road, trees, and pond and we have enjoyed delivering packages to the house and such. I love that your imagination is starting to really take off!

You also love to have tea parties with your tea set. Mint tea is your favorite. We will sit down together with our tea and crackers and carry on like two old friends.

Your language continues to grow that it is to the point that I can't easily recall all of your phrases and leaps - it is now just you. The novelty of new words is starting to wear off as words pile up and become everyday. I think what I am trying to say is that you are more and more a little boy whose essence and character is with us everyday in subtle and remarkable ways. But, the baby who is knocking off developmental milestones in dramatic fashion (crawling, walking, and talking) is no longer. It is far easier to recall first words spoken than it is the subtle way you now say things and all of the bits and fragments of conversations that line our days.

Maybe this is what other parents mean by children growing up overnight, time just slipping through your fingers. Before you know it you will be graduating high school and we will surely shake our heads like all of the other parents, where did the time go? It is daunting to already think about how much is already left out of these letters and how much I can't easily recall. Well, I will shoulder on throwing words at this small bit of life we are allowed. Small impressions in the vast expanse that is becoming you and our life. Knowing all too well how quickly it goes, is going.

We love you Zealand,

Mama

Kings Canyon

Tahoe Labor Day

Dear Avery at Thee Months

Dear Avery,

I have to say that mothering a child the second time around is quite a different experience, for better and for worse. Sometimes it feels as if there is no space to truly appreciate your presence alongside the demands of caring for your brother and keeping a household running. On the other hand, as a second time mother there is much more space within me to appreciate the wonder of you. I am not wasting energy spinning my wheels with worry as I navigate the steep learning curve of new parenthood. I am not googling every new symptom, thumbing through books, or calling Kaiser's advice line. Instead, I am holding, feeding, and enjoying the miraculous bundle we call Avery.

You are starting to come out of the newborn phase that is very much akin to a cocoon. So much of the early days are spent with your head buried in my breast or eyelids such tight. Now, we are starting to see the butterfly - you are taking flight!

You are long and lean with a remarkably strong neck that supports a head constantly turning left and right so as not to miss a thing. When you are being held you lean away with your head turned sharply to one side. It is as if you are a hood ornament on a moving car. You rarely sink into our arms when we walk with you.

We recently learned that your strength is also in your legs. You love to be held in a standing position. Your mouth opens in a big o and you smile and coo while swaying your body left and right as I hold you upright. You remind me of a tiny acrobat.

Another striking feature is your well developed funny bone. You find our faces so funny. There is a duck noise that I make with the side of my cheeks that will usually start a giggle fit. It is rare that you don't smile when we look at you. And, you look so adoringly at us that it makes these tiring days with two little ones in diapers all worth it.

This month you and I spent a long weekend together alone while your brother and father went camping. I didn't plan much for the weekend except to spend some slow time with you. We walked together with friends and had several runs together in the jogging stroller. Already you are fun to hang out with. It is the feeling you get when you spend time with someone you have known for a long time and the need for words is gone. Communication occurs on a more physical and knowing level. It might sound silly given that you are a mere 3 months, but I do feel that with you already.

Another benefit of second time motherhood, for me anyways, that has allowed for a deep connection is allowing myself to trust my instincts in regards to your needs. I know when you are tired, hungry, or overstimulated. We are very much in sync.

Well, little butterfly we continue to experience your growing presence in this world with much joy and appreciation. You are known in the Kubischta household as "baby wavy," "avy," and "little mouse." Already you are affecting us profoundly, with little fanfare and quietly in the background as you stretch and lengthen your little wings in the hubbub of a household caught up in toddler antics. I like to say that you are the calm eye in the center of a hurricane that is our life right now. This will change, of course, as you learn to crawl, walk, and talk. But, for now you provide a balance that allows me to mother with some sense of stability and purpose. For that I am forever grateful.

We love you baby wavy.

-Mama