Dear Avery, I have to say that mothering a child the second time around is quite a different experience, for better and for worse. Sometimes it feels as if there is no space to truly appreciate your presence alongside the demands of caring for your brother and keeping a household running. On the other hand, as a second time mother there is much more space within me to appreciate the wonder of you. I am not wasting energy spinning my wheels with worry as I navigate the steep learning curve of new parenthood. I am not googling every new symptom, thumbing through books, or calling Kaiser's advice line. Instead, I am holding, feeding, and enjoying the miraculous bundle we call Avery.
You are starting to come out of the newborn phase that is very much akin to a cocoon. So much of the early days are spent with your head buried in my breast or eyelids such tight. Now, we are starting to see the butterfly - you are taking flight!
You are long and lean with a remarkably strong neck that supports a head constantly turning left and right so as not to miss a thing. When you are being held you lean away with your head turned sharply to one side. It is as if you are a hood ornament on a moving car. You rarely sink into our arms when we walk with you.
We recently learned that your strength is also in your legs. You love to be held in a standing position. Your mouth opens in a big o and you smile and coo while swaying your body left and right as I hold you upright. You remind me of a tiny acrobat.
Another striking feature is your well developed funny bone. You find our faces so funny. There is a duck noise that I make with the side of my cheeks that will usually start a giggle fit. It is rare that you don't smile when we look at you. And, you look so adoringly at us that it makes these tiring days with two little ones in diapers all worth it.
This month you and I spent a long weekend together alone while your brother and father went camping. I didn't plan much for the weekend except to spend some slow time with you. We walked together with friends and had several runs together in the jogging stroller. Already you are fun to hang out with. It is the feeling you get when you spend time with someone you have known for a long time and the need for words is gone. Communication occurs on a more physical and knowing level. It might sound silly given that you are a mere 3 months, but I do feel that with you already.
Another benefit of second time motherhood, for me anyways, that has allowed for a deep connection is allowing myself to trust my instincts in regards to your needs. I know when you are tired, hungry, or overstimulated. We are very much in sync.
Well, little butterfly we continue to experience your growing presence in this world with much joy and appreciation. You are known in the Kubischta household as "baby wavy," "avy," and "little mouse." Already you are affecting us profoundly, with little fanfare and quietly in the background as you stretch and lengthen your little wings in the hubbub of a household caught up in toddler antics. I like to say that you are the calm eye in the center of a hurricane that is our life right now. This will change, of course, as you learn to crawl, walk, and talk. But, for now you provide a balance that allows me to mother with some sense of stability and purpose. For that I am forever grateful.
We love you baby wavy.
-Mama
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