Dear Avery at Five Months,

Dear Avery at 5 months,

This month you went on your first cross state trip to San Diego. Every year drive to San Diego to visit with the other half of your family. Even with a broken air conditioner and the encroaching heat of the Central Valley you were a champ. On the first day we stopped for the afternoon in the middle of nowhere while your father did an inspection at a water plant. We spread out a blanket and you looked up at the trees while your brother and I read stories.

After a night at a hotel in Valencia, and a play date with friends in Long Beach, we parked for the weekend at Peter and Liz’s. Liz is pregnant with her little girl and was working through unsettling pregnancy news (that has since been resolved). I think you were her little baby Buddha that weekend. She cuddled with you lots and maybe you even whispered secrets to her baby.

All babies bring a smile to people’s faces but you, I think, biased as I am, are especially skilled in this department. You really do greet the world with a smile. We went to Julian (a small rural turned tourist destination) in East San Diego and I carried you facing outwards up and down the shop lined main street while the boys were visiting a train.

It is like carrying a huge bouquet of flowers, people's heads turn and faces soften. The two of us ducked in and out of shops on this warm afternoon and your feet kicked outwards with glee the whole time. We ended the afternoon at a pie shop to sample their famous pie and apples. The line snaked out of the door. It was warm inside the shop, fans buzzed above, and the two cashiers at the end of the line were visibly sweating.

A thin older woman in a red apron who appeared to be a manager of some kind was trying to fix a resister that was stalling. Her brow was furrowed as she tried to tinker with the machine. And then you came into her line of vision. Her whole demeanor shifted - like falling in love in warped speed. She gazed at you cooing and ahhing and said, tone perfect, "and how could I think anything was wrong?!

You have this effect on me all of the time. It is to the point where I secretly enjoy waking up to feed you in the wee hours since I get to hold your sweetness. Maybe it is the awareness that this period is the last time I will mother a small baby, but I am really cherishing these moments with you.

The way you your tiny, chubby, elegant baby fingers lazily rub your face while you nurse. The way your whole face breaks into a smile when you look up at me in between gulps. How you giggle while trying to feed knowing that I am still looking at you sharing smiles.

It is almost feels at times as dreamy as a young girls fantasy to someday mother a daughter, her own baby dolly. This lovely space of second time around motherhood. You even look like a dolly. Sculpted with peaches and cream, small dimples, two bright blue marble eyes and a bubbling fountain of easy giggles.

It’s amazing, really, that in the exhaustion and fatigue of stay at home mothering with two little ones I can truly experience the lightness and awe that is you. I attribute this mainly to your magnetic, joyful essence. It can catch you off guard and reminds over and over again, that, indeed, what could possibly be wrong?

We all love you Baby Wavy, Baby Waves, and Avey.

Love,

Mama